Restlessness

I'm restless.

I often feel restless here, during my writing hours. I'm restless to become, to feel, to connect, to see a little clearer, to move past my bunk. And although writing here alone is my way past it, or through it, it is hard to sit here.

Sometimes I think it might be the caffeine from the couple of cups of coffee I down first thing, that I'm just physically amped up. That might be adding to it, but really it's just this incredibly deep need to get my thoughts and feelings out.

When I'm restless I'm impatient for movement, progress, interaction and distraction. I want it all to happen now, I want it to be easier. I want someone to bang around my thoughts with me and help me through my pain, I don't want to stare it down myself.

But for me, it doesn't work that way, that's too easy--No overcoming there...

Although, I could use an easy day every now and then....

I also feel grateful to have found a way to deal with it all. The questions, the tough answers, the loneliness, the dysfunction--sometimes I can write them off me. Sometimes I get to rise above it, break free for a bit or get a bit of light on the path. It soothes my soul.

Sometimes a little miracle happens here...I write it all off me and I walk away relieved, lifted and just a little freer.

It's a great feeling, and that's what brings me back--Hope.

Maybe it will happen today.