Acceptance?

"Happiness depends on being free, and freedom depends on being courageous...But the man who can most truly be accounted (courageous) is he who best knows the meaning of what is sweet in life and what is terrible, and then goes out undeterred to meet what is to come."

Thucydides

Don't Get Me Started...

I hate to stay on this theme, but in thinking of hymns and what messages they send, I thought of another one I learned very early...Unfortunately it's been going through my head for the past few days.

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Is there any wonder I can't get my head around God's unconditional love? So it's only if I "trust and obey" that I get the benefits?

You just gotta love (or hate), cause and effect Christianity.

A Big Fat Lie

Don't get me wrong, I am loved and I am cared for. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me, I have a good life and I should have no complaints. It's just that I never, ever thought that I would be in a place of pain, that I would ever feel more than a twinge of loneliness, fear or any other negative emotion.

For sure I never thought I would ever be lonely--I had Jesus. And it never crossed my mind that I would ever be anything but adored and loved and cared for by my friends and family...anything else was, and still is, inconceivable to me. I still can’t get my arms around it.

I was raised to think that as long as I was honest and my intentions were good, I would be, if not loved and adored, at least respected by any thinking, feeling person and would always have friends and people with whom to share life and love--it's just how it worked. Even if the world went crazy and didn't think I was great, OR even if I really messed it up, I would always, at the very least, have God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit to be with me and to make me be okay and happy. One of the three would always be there. After all, this is one of the first hymns I learned...


What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Now I'm done thinking I just didn't carry everything in prayer quickly enough, or earnestly enough...that I forfeited my peace and am needlessly feeling whatever pain I feel. Now I'm just thinking, as sacrilegious as I feel writing it, that instead, it is all a big fat lie. It just doesn't work that way. Jesus might be here, but I don't get to bypass pain and automatically get peace because I've counted him as my friend...

I'm also wondering if I'm ever, EVER going to be free of the damage I allowed Christianity to cause me and just MOVE ON, in spite of the fact that it is NOT "well with my soul."