Writing to Live

I'm back.

It only took six years apparently.

It took about five years for the, "You need to write," voice to become louder than anything else I needed to do, and another year for me to actually listen, which is a whole 'nother thing....

Six years ago it became apparent to me overnight that I had to turn my attention to a project that would take all my energy: Building a life on my own.

I did that. The journey has been as rewarding as it has been hard.

Six years ago I instantly dropped all creative work and went into serious survival mode. From the initial job-search to the eventual house-buying, I felt my plate was full. There was little time or emotional energy for creating, only space to exhale, recover and try to have a little fun. However, over the past year or more, I have found myself driving to work on Mondays without a feeling of anxiety over getting through another week, and, I now have time and space for travel, reading and many, many time-wasting endeavors. I'm breathing easier.

These days "You need to write," voice is very loud. I have resisted it with every imaginable lame argument, until recently, I lost the debate. The argument trumping all others was this: If I don't throw in and start writing, I will never know. I will never know what I could have written or what it is like to be a writer. I will have the regret of the un-lived life.

I can see myself on my death bed saying, "But wait...I was going to write something really, really good."

Six years ago I loved this blog, maybe read by a handful of people. I was taking baby steps to see if I, like everyone who aspires to do something creative, had the courage to put my stuff out there and create a tiny piece of art with my choice of words. It felt great. It gave me an outlet for my thoughts and a growing feeling of confidence and satisfaction every time I got to click on the word "publish." It was as if I was a real author.

The only writing I've done since is is scribbling in scores of journals for my own mental health. So, I have to start back with baby steps. However, I've grown up a lot in six years, maybe I can get to full-on walking before too long.