What It Takes

I just happened to catch a little Wimbledon this morning.

It was the women's semi-finals; Serena was down a little in the third set to a strong, stoic, cool-looking Russian. It caught my attention because, although I’m not a huge tennis fan, it’s rare to see Serena down. Usually she's picking apart her opponents while practically smoking a Lucky.

Apparently it had been a close match the whole way. Serena was not playing her best, and with the Russian’s mental edge, I thought she was going down.

What I saw was what the commentators called one of the best, if not the best match in women’s tennis.

Serena knew she was in trouble, but at this stage of the game, this stage of her life, she knows a few things, and I could see it.

I could see the mental and emotional battle she was having right there on the court. She was working unbelievably hard to keep her cool, not give into fear and dig deep to play her game. She was pulling out focus, determination, knowledge of her self and confidence in who she is and what she can do. She was buckling down, preparing to bring it.

I felt the tide turn her way in two points. On the first she took an incredible risk by charging the net early—so even though she'd been faltering she wasn’t playing it safe. It worked for her.

After that came a long rally. With every shot the tension built. Serena rose a little higher with each return, realizing every time it still hadn’t been quite enough yet--she’d have to take it up another notch on the next hit. Well she did and on her last shot forced the Russian to, literally, take a knee.

Serena let out an almost primal scream…it had taken all her game, all her SELF to turn the tide. She wasn’t quite done yet, but her opponent got flustered and started ranting in Russian.

Match over right there.

I’m just now seeing, just now learning that it takes that focus and mental work to access that passion, that strength, that fire that gets us to live bigger. Yes, you have to do the work ahead of time, be disciplined and prepared--blah, blah, blah--I know how to do that, I’ve done that my whole life.

But that’s not enough because even after all that, being yourself and playing your game doesn’t happen naturally. Isn't that unbelievable? It doesn’t just flow as I’ve always thought it should.

Instead, it happens in the moment, on the day, at game time. You don't let up, you stay in there, you focus and fight. You know who you are and what you've got, and you call upon that true, inner self and you make it show up, every bit of it.

These days just living life as myself takes all I’ve got…I’m having to dig deep. But also, from time to time, I’m getting a feeling when I’ve come through a little something, that makes me, like Serena, let out a roar of victory over everything that tries to throw off my game.

It's new for me.

After the match, in a quiet, smiley voice Serena talked about her relief in winning, because she wasn’t on her game today. She said she even had to look up to her family in the stands, rallying to get a little help.

Serena Williams, one of the top five women in the world I would NOT want to throw down with (wait, she's actually number one), was scared, shaky, worried and unconfident. But, she didn't deny her feelings or shove them aside, she felt them all, was dealing with her whole self, and her whole self won.

I have only a little experience, but when I have to bring it, I’m left with feelings of lightness and crazy-freedom, but also some scary instability. I'm learning to deal with that fear, it tells me I’m up out of my conventional methods of life and rising above somehow.

I'm seeing it and feeling it but I still have a hard time believing this is what it takes. I always thought a bigger life of passion and abundance would somehow come to me if I did all the prep work, but it doesn’t.

It takes grit. It takes endurance and grit and a willingness to live without the comfort of being right or sure or even acceptable. I didn’t think it worked this way. I’m glad to see it does though, it gives me a little hope and some new things to think about...

So I don’t have to wait for things to finally click to live a bigger life...But I do have to fight to bring it real every day...every damn day.

Actually, that's kind of asking a lot...