You would think that with clear eyes and a full heart you couldn’t lose, but as it turns out, it might take a little more than that.
I’ve decided this is too hard. This whole writing thing is just ridiculous. Instead, I’m going to find something else….yes, I'm just going to be like other people and choose something to do, and then make it a big deal.
I’m going to become a wine expert. I have a venue in which to learn, I’ve researched what it takes to become a certified sommelier, and I can easily follow that formula. Memorize, taste, learn to spit, and I’m there. That should help me get through the next couple of moves, the next six, and if I'm lucky, 10 years or so. Then I’ll probably come to the end of it and have to find another interest, but, well, maybe that’s okay, anything is easier than this….
I ran this past my husband...he said he doesn’t think it will work for me. I’m blessed and cursed, says he, to be the way I am, wrestling with issues all the time, trying to write about them.
Damn.
He’s probably right. Because after that ten years I'll probably still have that underlying feeling that I should be writing or doing something real, and a few more decades will be staring me in the face--not sure how I’m going to make it through them all.
Saturday I had a customer tell me that kids get you through the mid-life issues—they pull you through because you have to keep life relatively stable for them. Even though you know life doesn't work the way you thought, you act like it does. (I'm wondering what’s going to get me though the next 60 years since I only have a dog....)
Plus, he pointed out, we used to only live about this long—only in the past couple hundred years have we been living past 40, dealing with what to do with so much time.
So what the hell are we supposed to do? We can’t escape into the fresh-faced youthful projects of raising kids, building a career, or, if you're me, being the perfect Christian, so….what matters now? What rules define the edges of life now?
Shit. And I’ve got a long way to go. Might as well get the writing thing figured out now....if I can.
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2 comments:
What we do is not who we are. It is a trap to be sure. You are Kristine the Valiant, no matter what the hell you are doing. I'd be interested even if you were just a simple stubborn graphic artist. Just tell your story, when you are inspired to do so...I'll read it for sure.
Thanks G. I'm lucky to have you as a friend.
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