Soulmate and Soul Mates

I've been wondering about the concept of soulmate. It seems to me that the way people use the word soulmate implies that every soul has a partner soul, kind of like there's only one person out there that really matches you, with whom a relationship could be all it is supposed to be. It suggests an intimacy that cannot be manufactured, as if it's chosen by destiny or fate.

I feel like a soulmate is a person who feels like home to your own soul. Your soul can rest there, and be comfortable. It is the person to whom you relate so well that you do not have to explain yourself perfectly, and do not have to defend yourself when your flaws show. A soulmate is present when you’re hurting (even if they aren't physically present), and they actually feel your pain with you. They applaud the loudest when you succeed, because they are a part of the success, and part of you and all you are. I've found that they’ll even give you the space and the time to change things up when you need a paradigm shift, and you return that grace to them. In fact, they help you change, even cause you to change.

I'm not sure about the concept of destiny, that there can only be one soulmate for each person, and if you miss them, well, you won't have the best relationship. I used to think that God had someone perfect picked out for everyone, and your job was to be close enough with him to get the heads-up when they came by. Now I think God paints on a much larger canvas than that, and that all relationships are a choice. If you have someone you call your soulmate, it's probably taken a lot of work and time, it wasn't the magical coincidence of happening upon the soul fate chose for you. You've chosen to share with them and be with them over and over again, even when you didn't feel like there was any fate involved, at least any good fate.

I chose to match up with mine 20 years ago, and now our souls are deeply intertwined, even tangled up. We're a mess, and even though we're the ones that tied the knots, we could never get them all undone. I suppose if we were a pair of shoes we'd be worn-in, sturdy, leather hikers knotted at the laces. You can see at a glance we've been across a few mountain passes on this trail of life, and I'm guessing we have a few more steep climbs ahead.

So maybe there is only one person you've chosen to be your soul's partner, but if you think about the word "mate" in the Australian sense, your soul can have a more than a few "mates." You can have several people in your life with whom you share your soul. I think this describes anyone with whom you've shared varying degrees of closeness, ranging from having a few real talks, or having a lifetime of experiences and conversations. Our souls need, are fed and developed by these daily encounters.

I also think that at times you can feel too close to your soulmate, who cramps you because they know you too well. At other times your soul mates are irritatingly in your business. I'm afraid there's no getting rid of any of them, you’re stuck. To the degree that you've shared your soul, your committed, because you're known. Even if you kick them out or leave, they’ll still be with you, and you might even hear their voices in your head. That's the scary part of sharing your soul, that you might regret it when you get to know the person a little better.

But that's the deal, that's relationship. It's sharing and communing on all different levels, and it requires your soul to change and grow, attach and release. It's exercise. It's painful, but oh so necessary.