Men

I have such a love-hate relationship with men.
Actually, that’s not true. I have to admit, I pretty much just love them.
Let’s say I have a love-frustration relationship with men.

They’re so much easier to hang out with, so much more fun to joke around with, and in my book, easier to talk to. Sure, the conversation is often just shooting the breeze and laughing, but when you do get them into a deep conversation it’s such a delightful surprise—they often have great insight and perspective. Just when I’m thinking one of my men friends is a thoughtless dolt, he’ll come up with some real wit or insight and I think he’s great again. Plus, men can switch subjects from a deep, meaningful topic to silly humor in a second without anyone getting their feelings hurt.

Men just do things. They just get things done. They just have a good time. They just do nothing. They just _______. It doesn’t matter what it is, they are just doing that. It’s simple, and whatever they are doing gains importance because they have committed to doing it. They decide. They don’t like to feel like they HAVE to do stuff. If they do, you’ll know about it because it will wear on them. They like to choose what it is they want to do, then it becomes the most important thing.

It’s like they reserve the right and the space to exercise their innate freedom to choose. It seems they don’t as easily take on the burden of pleasing as women do, and they don’t feel as obligated. Maybe their burden is they’re taught to go after things, to see what they can get, to manipulate. Maybe that puts them behind women in real interaction—or maybe it doesn’t, maybe they interact just fine.

In the past couple of years I’ve had some surprising feelings in moments of frustration with some of my men. A few times something deep called out that they had influenced me more than I knew, or that their mere presence—that I knew what would please them so I did it—had somehow stunted my free-spiritedness or my confidence. Never would any of them intentionally do this, but even non-controlling men can be a bit controlling. They have natural strength and power, and, well, boys will be boys. See what lee-way they’re given? And don’t we often just excuse whatever bad things they do as what was expected of a man? If “boys will be boys” and that’s all we’re expecting, why should we be surprised if that's what we get? Well, I’m expecting a bit more.

I don’t think I used to battle the will of men as much as I do now, but these last few years they've chafed me a few times. I’ve felt a thumb on my head or a hand on my back directing me, and it absolutely dawned on me that I was being leaned on or sold to. Again, I don’t think it’s intentional, they mean well, it’s just the way they see things--things just ARE a certain way, and I should probably see them that way too.

Well I don’t always see it their way. I know my own mind and I’m strong enough to stand on my own two feet and battle a bit. I’ll kick the thumb off my head with one of my men every now and then, and make my own self be heard. It’s hard though, because I still like to please them.

I wonder if it’s just our culture. Aren’t girls taught to either capitulate to men’s wishes or make them think we will? I don’t want to perpetuate that. The alternative is so much better--to really have it out with them. It takes a ton more effort but I find it SO valuable. When we battle for true understanding and common ground, and find it, THAT’S union, that’s progress between the sexes, that’s friendship, that’s relationship.

Then, the next second after the battle, because they’re men, we get to make jokes and laugh about it, and that's fun.