The Search for Faith

"Faith is a dynamic power that breaks the chain of routine, and gives a new, fine turn to old, common places. Faith reinvigorates the will, enriches the affections and awakens a sense of creativeness. Active faith knows no fear, and it is a safeguard to me against cynicism and despair....Faith is a state of mind. The Believer is not soon disheartened. If he is turned out of his shelter, he builds up a house that the winds of the earth cannot destroy."

Helen Keller in This I Believe


I used to have a lot of faith. I spent a lot of time working to cultivate it and trying to live according to it. I did countless religious things for many years because of it. Then it crashed, and I let it go. I didn't want to really, I was somewhat comfortable, if burdened by it. But I saw that it was flawed, that maybe it really wasn't faith at all. Maybe it was artificial certainty, and I had built my entire life on it. So I was "turned out of my shelter."

Well a few years have past now, and a few months ago I found that I was in need of some faith. A new faith, some truth to believe in, a reason to live well and become a better person. So I guess I am searching, looking to build up a house, that "winds of earth cannot destroy" if there is such a thing. I haven't found many answers, and sometimes I'm not sure there are any.

It's not that we find truth with a big "T." We investigate and sometimes we find things out and sometimes we don't. There's no way to know in advance. It's just that we have to proceed as though there are answers to questions. We must proceed, as though, in principle, we can find things out--even if we can't. The alternative is unacceptable."

Errol Morris in This I Believe


So maybe I'll find truth and faith in the pursuit of them. In this most difficult journey I have felt in my soul, in only the tiniest way, that it just might be true that the journey itself might "reinvigorate my will, enrich my affections and awaken a sense of creativeness." I want it to be true, I hope it is true. A "dynamic power" that "knows no fear...." Can you imagine? I must believe it's true, the alternative is "unacceptable." Anyone who has read the Life of Pi, will understand when I say, I have to believe in the better story. I'll keep searching.